I have decided to start blogging about our journey with infertility to help with the many emotions I feel and to hopefully reach out and help someone else going through the same thing. Jared and I have been married for 14 months now and have been wanting a baby since our honeymoon. All I have ever wanted in life besides being married to my best friend and growing old with him is to have kids together and to be a mom. I cannot wait for the day that I can hold my baby in my arms and know that Jared and I created this child together and to love him/her unconditionally forever.
When we got married we knew that having a baby would have its challenges with some problems that I have. I am so lucky to have found Jared and to know that he loved me so much that none of that mattered, he still wanted to marry me and be with me forever. After many months of hoping that it worked and then getting the answer no we became very discouraged and went in to see the doctor. After a few tests and some trial and errors with medications it was determined that we were not going to be able to get pregnant on our own, we were going to have to undergo Invitro Fertilization (IVF). We were crushed! to say the least. Not only did I not respond to any of the medications Jared's sperm are not very good. There are plenty there but they don't have the ability to penetrate the egg. I don't think I would stop crying for a few days. Many thoughts and worries went through my head, all to which my amazing husband comforted and talked through with me how it was all going to be okay. Having fertility issues is a very emotional roller coaster to be on. It is so hard for me to not get my hopes up and think maybe this drug will work this time, or maybe a miracle will happen and we won't have to pay the thousand of dollars for IVF and then every time there is only one pink line it is devastating. Jared is always telling me to not get my hopes up and it wouldn't be so hard when it is negative but it is nearly impossible to think maybe just maybe it will work.The only thing I have left to do at this point is to hope and pray that a miracle happens.
Now that we have both accepted the challenges that have been placed before us the biggest challenge we are facing is being able to afford the IVF. It costs about $10,000 per cycle and is not even guarenteed to bring us the result we want to badly. This past weekend our doctor was giving away a free cycle in a drawing and we were so hopeful that this was our chance to make our dreams come true! Unfortunately we were not the lucky couple that day to be able to make those dreams happen but since then we have decided to do things a little bit differently. There is no way that we are going to be able to do this on our own so we have agreed to let our family and friends help us where they can. This was a very hard step for both of us to take because we felt stupid or embarrassed to ask others for help. One thing I can say for sure is it has been very humbling these past few days to know how many people care and love us and want to help. We are so appreciative of what everyone wants to do to help us make our dreams come true. I am so grateful for my wonderful husband and all of our family and friends for going through this journey with us. Our hope is by branching out and receiving help from all those that love us that we can also be able to help one other couple who is going through the same challenges as us not be stressed about how they are going to pay for it because there are so many other things that need to be worried about.
The last and most important thing that I will share that I have taken away from this journey so far was from a speech that someone gave right before the drawing. She told all of three things we should do while on this difficult emotional journey. I have no idea what the first ones were about but the third one was the one that stuck out to me the most. She said that no matter what happens we need to be able to look our spouse in the eye and tell them that they are enough for you the rest of your lives, even if that means that you will never have children. And right after she said that Jared pulled me a little bit closer to his side and kissed me so tenderly on my head and I knew in that moment that he was enough for me if we are unable to have children. Going through this journey has made us so much closer as a couple and makes it easier to go through something like this with your best friend.
Me and Jared at the Footsteps for Fertility 5K
We are so grateful for all the support our family gives us through this journey. Jared's mom and brother Lewis came to the race with us.
